Missed me?

It's been a crazy couple of months, hasn't it? The girls hosted Thanksgiving with the whole family coming in. They roasted a locally raised turkey and we highly approved! Christmas was full of lovely cat toys. Marlene and Jess went a little crazy on us and there are feathered and furred mice all over the house!

In December, they had to take me to the vet because I keep licking my legs and arms. It's really pathetic, I know, but I just can't stop! They put this ridiculous blow-up collar on me. Hey, if it ever floods in here, I'm all set.

But the good news is that I'm down to 26.5 lbs! And I don't have diabetes! High fives, thank you. I've got something going on "down there" which will need some expensive sonogram (there goes Jess' bonus), but there is definitely no sugar in my pee! I've never been so happy about pee!

So now the Capitol has calmed down from its weekend of "CHANGE". Everyone's settled back into their routines. I await a sonogram to find out if I have kidney stones (with Jess' luck, I won't which means $300 down the drain. I'll be hearing about that for a while). And I continue to get lean and trim. Somewhere I have pics of them shaving my belly. It's embarrassing as hell. I'm sure you can't wait!

All hail the Queen

Jess and Marlene came home tonight all sad and weird. They kept petting us and hugging us. Jess gave Gretchen a pile of chicken from Sunday night's dinner ($28 organic, local chicken) and a bowl of organic broth. Then a new doctor came over. Dr. Flo is her name. She comes to your house, which is pretty cool because it means we don't have to get in the plastic carrier, into the car, and into a scary room. So I wondered why Dr. Flo was there. I mean, I'm fine. Stoney's fine. Beyonce's going to the vet on the 24th. Why was she here?

Then I thought about Gretchen. She has gotten so skinny! She was always a little thing, but in the last three months she probably lost at least a pound. All she cared about was food. Her food, my food, everyone's food was her food. Dr. Katz put her on more steroids and that just made her want more food. She didn't want to play, she didn't care about laps or toys. She just ate, drank, peed, and pooped. She was definitely not well. That's why Dr. Flo was there. She was there to make sure that Gretchen was finally OK.

While I curled up under the table, Dr. Flo gave Gretchen a shot. Man, she was not happy with it! She growled and bit Jess! Then she dove into that bowl of broth and lapped, and lapped, and lapped. Then she got woozy. She wobbled and fell over. Marlene and Jess laid her on her favorite bed. The stroked her and pet her. Her breathing slowed down. Her eyes got huge. The girls started crying. When Dr. Flo was sure Gretchen was fast asleep, she gave her the second shot. Before I knew it, Gretchen was gone. We all said good bye, even though she was no longer there. Dr. Flo left with Gretchen's body.

So tonight, I'm remembering the Gretchen who growled her heart out at me when Stoney and I moved in. She was always the Queen of the House. She was feisty, fierce, and loud! She was first to the bowl, first in the box, and first out the door to the back yard. She was petite, cute, and pretty. Everyone noticed her, even before Doonesbury, the Maine Coon with the big belly. They saw her big eyes and lithe body and proclaimed her most beautiful!

Her passing was quiet. She will be missed. Even if it looks like I'm just napping, I'll be missing her every moment.

Don't ask

She had to do it. She had to get me on the scale.

I'm back up over 28 pounds.

Maybe it's muscle? Muscle weighs more than fat, right?

See, nothing good comes from going to the vet.

Ignorance is bliss, right

Marlene wants to take me to the vet and weigh me. I don't think it will do either of us any good. She'll be disappointed in me. I'll be freaked out about getting in the plastic box and being hauled around. She'll sigh and wonder where she went wrong. I'll squawk and hide under the bed.

I really have no idea if I've gained or lost any weight. I can't get up and down the stairs as quickly as I used to. I'm getting better at jumping up onto the couch. I still love my sweet, salty crunchies!

Seriously, do I have to? Couldn't we just stay home on the couch and watch Family Guy?

Just how big is an inch?

Jess came at me with a tape measure the other day. I didn't know what she was up to, she just threw it around my belly. Naturally, I moved away, stepping over the tape like it was the finish line and I was the last runner.

"No, Mosby, come here, I need to measure your waist!"

What for? New pants? Come on, who needs to know.

"Mosby, sit still! I'm sure you're thinner! Let me prove it!"

I stepped over the tape, once again, refusing to look, refusing to acknowledge my girth.

"Mosby, so help me... Good boy!"

She tightened the tape. She did it again. She measured a third time. Lord, woman, don't keep a cat in suspense like this!

"Mosby! Oh, Mosby! You lost an whole inch off your waist! You're waist is only 26 inches!"

Then she gave me crunchies. Which I ate as though they were the last ones on the planet.

So, congratulate me, kids! I'm down an inch!

My workout video

I think I mentioned that Jess wants to get me on a treadmill. Now she has an exercise video for me to watch. Here's Buddy "out for a walk." At least he gets to stay inside, with a soundtrack! I get dragged outside on a harness passed Happy, the neighbor dog who doesn't get to go inside.

But I'm proud of Buddy. He's workin' it! He's moving his fluffy orange butt!

Massage me, baby

I loooooove being massaged. Seriously, I demand it. I look straight at Jess and squawk at her until she caves! Then she gets down on the floor, puts me between her thighs, and rubs. She starts on my back, rubbing little circles along my spine, loosening up the tight muscles. Then she hits the spot between my shoulder blades. aaaahhhhh. Next, it's my neck and head, here she really digs in.

Then something happens and I end up on my back, legs in the air. She scratches my chest and armpits until I freak out and start chewing my arms. Then (and this is my favorite part), she runs her hands under my head and massages my neck and head again. ooooooohhhh. No, no, don't stop. Wait, get my cheeks, yesyesyes.

sssssssssnnnnnnnzzzzzzz

Wait! Where are you going? You're not done!

SQUAWK!